I Call ‘Bullsh*t’…

Rarely do I delve DEEP into the ‘big issues’ on this blog or social media in general. Whether it’s politics, personal matters, relationships, family, etc. Mainly for fear of ‘stirring the pot’, judgement, and all the other crap that I have come to realize… just. doesn’t. MATTER.

AND, to keep from talking about the big issues that plague us everyday (if you’re not one of them, you’re full of crap), would take away from the importance of transparency and authenticity that I have preached over and over and the fact that despite the misconceptions and perfection that we so often see on social media… it’s not real life. It’s a string of moments that simply made the cut. The ones we share with the world to simply say ‘look how happy and perfectly put together my life is’, which not only affects our sense of success and magnifies our shortcomings, but also furnishes our children with an unprecedented brand of expectations, and BOOM – *cue the anxiety*.

Motherhood. Style. Beauty ‘tips and tricks’. Vacations. Happy times. Smiling faces. Don’t get me wrong – I not only enjoy, but LOVE sharing, engaging with, and reading about all of the above. I truly do.

But, something inside of me recently has had enough of this illusion of unattainable perfection. We’ve ultimately let social media determine our self-worth and value. We get caught up in this cycle of looking to others for validation and reassurance rather than seeking that from ourselves. We have come to believe that there is more value in on how you “package yourself” than there is in the “real” you.

Basically, I call bullshit on it all.

Let’s start talking about the real shit. The shit we deal with on a daily basis. The everyday struggles that are not worthy of hanging in an 8×10 or displaying on our beautifully and strategically thought out instagram feeds.

Did you know that according to a new survey from the American Psychiatric Association, more than a third of American adults view social media as harmful to their mental health. Just 5% view social media as being positive for their mental health? 45% agree on positive and negative effects.

That’s probably where you’ll find me.

Social media is not a bad thing. I’ve found GREAT joy, an amazing community, entertainment, support, and love from complete strangers on the internet that I’ve connected with via all social media outlets. I’ve also seen A LOT of highlight reels. Am I guilty? Yes. Do I blame those for only sharing the happy times? Hell no. Do I think this phenomena has created a sense of isolation, social anxiety, envy, and harmful effects on one’s mental health? You betcha.

We need to start talking about THAT. The pictures that didn’t make the cut. The relationships, the struggles, the drama, the dysfunctional family dynamics, the sadness, guilt, regrets, hurt… we’ve let social media replace real life and real connections.

SO, allow me to take the first step: Let’s get messy.

FAMILY.

Social media will present you with a lot of ‘Leave it to Beaver’, fresh ouuta page 29 of a Land’s End catalog kind of families. Rarely do we see the reality behind the matching seersucker get ups… and I can guarantee you wouldn’t see that reality in any catalog.

Dysfunctional family? Yup, I got one. They’re batshit crazy. Ya love ‘em and stick with ‘em despite it all. Because they’re ‘family’.

Well, again… I call bullshit.

First of all, to anyone out there who is battling internally with sacrificing love for respect or vice versa (whether it’s family, a friend, or significant other), neither is worth sacrificing. I started to deeply reflect on that sentiment the other day when I asked my husband the famous question: ‘would you rather be loved or respected?’. I came to the conclusion that the two come hand in hand. Don’t allow either one to be compromised. I am, of course, still battling this myself – therefore far from an expert.

However, it did light a fire within me. Made me dig deep, rethink, and reevaluate all the relationships we simply tolerate or worse – fight for. Whether it’s walking on egg shells, seeking approval, love, respect, kindness, honesty, etc. IF you’re constantly seeking it…

Walk away.

And know the thing you should be focusing on is the fact you have that love to give. If you have that love and respect inside you to give to the wrong people… imagine what you have to give to the RIGHT ones. The ones who deserve it and have earned it. It’s not always blood. It’s not always family. And that’s OKAY.

For the folks in the cheap seats, let me repeat myself – THAT’S OKAY.

I have expelled much energy and time seeking explanations, closure, answers from all the wrong people. I think sometimes we get too busy and caught up focusing on all the ways people abuse that kindness and trust, that we neglect to acknowledge the fact that we have that inside of us to GIVE! AND that’s what makes us who we are.

Don’t compromise that for anyone. Don’t let all the explanations and answers that have gone unsaid leave you bitter and ultimately consume your mind and thoughts. If you’ve done your part, you’ve done your part. That’s all we are responsible for.

It’s OKAY for us to talk about these real life, messy, and complicated topics.

Perhaps, I got a little side tracked – but main case & point being… we don’t see any of that when scrolling through our feeds, do we? Leaving most to think to themselves – ‘oh, dear god… look at this magical unicorn of a family, meanwhile, my kid just yelled proudly from the other room “Mama, I pee peed on the couch!” and your husband has been in the bathroom for an hour playing candy crush.

See where I’m going with this?

I know I am not the only one who refrains from talking real life on these platforms for fear of being judged, not receiving the validation we’re seeking, airing our dirty laundry where we could just post a photo of our avocado toast and call it a day.

AND, then comes…

MOTHERHOOD & SOCIAL MEDIA:

As if we didn’t need another outlet to highlight our incompetence and shortcomings… Maybe it’s time we bring back the ‘community over competition’ notion.

That Pinterest worthy casserole? Maybe she perfected the one recipe she knows how not to screw up and THAT deserves an ‘atta boy’. (hi! 👋🏼)

The perfectly dressed Von Trapp children who are smiling while eating vegetables and asking for more? Maybe ya didn’t catch the total meltdown mama dealt with for an hour prior to that photo…

The immaculate kitchen? *Not pictured* the clutter and the mess that was making her so anxious, she finally said ‘enough’ and slaved all day to make it look that way (and taking breaks to keep the kids entertained!) It’s an accomplishment… and one she should be proud of and broadcast to the world!

The beautiful bouquet of flowers that adorn her dining room table? Maybe those came from an apologetic spouse and what you didn’t see was the huge fight that they’d had the night before and the tears, anger, and frustration. You just see the flowers.

It’s easy to judge someone’s life based on the photos we see while mindlessly scrolling. Ultimately, we are all sharing the WINS. So, to the exhausted mom who’s hanging on for dear life while scrolling and thinking to herself- how? Why? What? You are not alone. You are enough. AND if you EVEN find yourself questioning if you are – you are.

IF it sounds like I’m being a tad contradictory.. you’re probably right. Calling bullshit on the facade, but cheering on the individual creating it? This is simply a mere reminder that we can admire someone else’s green grass without hopping on the self-loathing roller coaster. We don’t have to completely disconnect from all social media to counteract this epidemic – we just have to change the way we approach it. It’s important to remind ourselves that behind these beautifully curated feeds are human beings. I think that’s what we’ve lost on social media – reality. The reality that no one has ALL their shit together ALL the time. The reality that we all have our own struggles. The reality that social media ISN’T reality. I think if we don’t lose sight of that fact, we can start to enjoy social media again and put to rest the stress and anxiety that comes with the slippery slope of comparison.

At the end of the day, I suppose this is nothing but a rant to encourage more of us to celebrating progress instead of perfection. We’re all just wingin’ it.

Try this…

When you see that photo of a perfect & spotless living room and look up to see your mess of a house, dishes piling up, and what appears to be a Leap Frog crack den – I want you to see that mess is magic. A messy, magical life playing, creating, having fun, and just being kids. A home that’s lived in and loved in.

These are signs of life, not failure. Remind yourself that what you see everyday behind your screen are brief moments in time, and not someone’s whole story. If all we see is each other’s perfection, we are very likely to miss each other’s pain.

Today, a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders with that realization. Repeat after me: TODAY, I WILL NOT COMPARE MYSELF TO STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET. I will not place my value and happiness in the hands of my social media following.

Today, I will break the cycle.

Motherhood… not for the weak hearted.

Mom guilt.

✖️

It’s inevitable. Motherhood often feels like a game of guilt management. Sometimes the guilt is overwhelming and debilitating. Sometimes just a low simmer, but in some capacity, it’s always there… and there is never any shortage of fuel to feed the beast that leaves us with the general feeling of incompetency. Top it off with our carefully curated social media world, which not only affects our sense of success and magnifies our shortcomings, but also furnishes our children with an unprecedented brand of expectations, and BOOM – *cue the crippling anxiety*. 👋🏼

Being a mother is as hard as it is beautiful.

Sleep training, cry-it-out or coddle?

Breastfeed or *heaven forbid* the ‘F word’ formula?

Screen time at a restaurant to keep the kid from screaming bloody murder?

Looking at your phone while your child plays on the playground? (Cut it out with the Judgey McJudgerson looks over there, Karen.)

McDonald’s for the second day in a row?

… Around every corner, we will be faced with some sort of scrutiny or judgement. Someone who puts that false sense of doubt in our minds that we are doing it ALL wrong

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. The majority of us are doing our best. And, that’s all our little ones need. Happy moms. Loving moms. Not always the Pinterest mom, the dedicated room mom (stop it, Donna. Just stop), or the perfect mom who has all her shit together all the time complete with matching monogram ascots (Spoiler alert: they don’t.)

Motherhood is not for the weak.

It’s watching their chubby little legs run fast down the sidewalk and seeing that they’re going to trip but not being able to get there fast enough.

It’s holding them and carrying them upstairs and then suddenly realizing that your arms can hardly sustain their weight anymore.

It’s dropping them off at school and watching them walk into the building and holding your breath — literally, holding your breath — watching them wave at you while they stumble along carrying a backpack that’s bigger than them until you see some kid say hello to them, and they don’t look back.

Currently for this mama, it’s days that consist of multiple tantrums, lots of sass, and the occasional target run when she manages to throw anything and everything she can get her hands on. BUT, I know her determination and that strong and stubborn will will truly take the world by storm one day.

It’s the promise of them finding their own way — the dream of them becoming who they already are — that isn’t for the faint of heart in the here and now.

I don’t think any of us realize how all-consuming this job is. I think it’s time we talk candidly about what the ‘books’ didn’t tell us. The good, the bad, and the ugly. So often these days we see this highlight reel on social media constantly on repeat as we scroll through Instagram depicting happy, well behaved, perfect children who eat their vegetables, never talk back, and don’t know the word ‘NO’. Hell, I’m guilty! That’s what the platform of social media has evolved into. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE seeing AND sharing those beautiful and perfect moments.

Is it everyday reality? Um, no.

Am I saying the everyday reality is unbearable and I want out? Not for a single second. EVER.

Maybe it comes down to the 2019 cliche notion of us comparing our bloopers to some stranger online’s highlight reel. Yeah… 2019 is making it unbelievably easy to compare every step of our journey to another’s. There is no RIGHT way to parent. YES, I’m sure I’m not alone when I say I devoured any and all baby books preparing me for giving birth, parenting, and all the other sources that provide a false illusion that we actually know what the hell we’re doing. Hell, that’s enough to send you into a whirlwind of overwhelming WORRY & comparison!

Bottom line – there is no right or wrong way. You could have a PhD in psychology and still make a multitude of mistakes in raising your children.

At the end of the day, when this little sassafras looks over at me with that little mischievous grin & runs at me full force with a big hug and sloppy kiss… I see a happy kid. Fed, clothed, and above all, loved to the ends of the earth. She’s blissfully unaware of the weight on my shoulders that I carry everyday just trying to keep up. And she doesn’t need to. That’s the magic of childhood, and something I never want to take away from her.

Our job as mothers is to provide shoulders for our children to stand on and pray that they grow wings to outsoar us. The best gift is to watch them fly and hope they look back long enough to appreciate who and where they came from.

Mom guilt is a bitch. And, today… I’m telling it to eff off. I think there should be solidarity in the club for every parent who is trying to do the right thing and operating from a place of love, shouldn’t there? We’re all in this together, no matter the age or the stage. So… today, I’m tuning out that snarky inner-critic self talk. Today, I’m reminding myself to bask in those rare, ‘super mom, I totally have my shit together’ days, and just keep rolling with the punches, learning, loving, grinning and bearing those (‘That’s it, I’m changing my name and moving to Mexico) kinda days until I get it right – which I’m pretty certain, as a mom, I will never fully get there.

…and that’s okay. Maybe that’s just the universes driving force that propels us every morning to try harder, do better, and love bigger.

Also, wine. Wine helps, too.

Cheers, mamas! XO

Your Late 20’s: The Middle School of Life

Growing pains, without the braces.

“So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.”

– Office Space

It’s official. In the blink of an eye, I have approached my late 20’s. I can’t help but reflect on the past decade of discovery, transitions, decisions, and the lessons I’ve learned along the way (mostly the hard way).

Our generation does come with it’s own unique set of difficulties and challenges which require a fresh and innovative approach if they are to be overcome. Now, there are a million and one articles out there that will tell you how important it is to travel and see the world, to knuckle down on your dreams, and enjoy your youth before committing to a marriage or career that may not leave you fulfilled or happy, so, as much as I agree with all of that, I won’t bother you with it again.

Yes, everyone has their own journey, their own struggles, dreams, accomplishments, regrets, lessons learned, etc. However, this is my blog…

SO, here are a few of my personal meandering thoughts that I’ve come to consider enormously important to my own happiness and well being, and maybe, just maybe, might be imperative to yours as well.

1. Make more time for meaningful relationships. Be intentional with who you spend your time and energy on. Surround yourself with the people cheering you on, who fuel your passion, and inspire you to do and be better.

2. Learn to cook 1 meal. ONE. (Y’all, that’s a huge one for me… and one I’m certain I’ll put off until the eve of my 30th birthday.) Whatever. We can just skip that one. Carry on.

3. Do something that gets you out of your comfort zone, out of your shell and into the world. Safety nets are comforting, but will rarely get you where you want to be.

4. Get comfortable with saying no. Don’t want to go to that party? Stay home. Don’t want to leave your bed or put pants on that particular day? Say ‘screw the pants and bail’. ‘No’ is a complete sentence. It does not require justification or explanation. Give yourself permission to rest without feeling guilty about it. BUT, don’t get too comfortable. Balance is key.

5. Dance for no reason (when did we stop doing that?!). My 3 year old reminds me of this on a daily basis. They don’t care who’s watching, who’s judging, or even if there’s music.

6. Run a marathon. KIDDING. Just making sure you were still paying attention. However, if you’re into that kinda thing – you do you, boo.

6. Be more mindful of what and where you’re spending money. Shop small. Support a friend, a small family business, a local mom & pop shop. When you support a small business, you’re supporting someone’s dream.

7. Don’t feel rushed to have it all “figured out” (whatever that means). Keep it simple. One foot in front of the other. I’ve met many 20 somethin’s who have a set game plan in place (you GO, GLEN CO CO!), and I have met plenty of 40 & 50+ yr. olds still trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up. It’s not a race.

8. Get to know your parents. Ask questions. I guarantee you, you’ll eventually want to. Do it while you have the chance. They’re growing older, too… and maybe they really did know what they were talking about when they warned you about that ‘bad boy’ back in high school.

9. Go to the movies alone. You don’t have to share your popcorn and you don’t have unnecessary commentary in your ear while you’re trying to pay attention to Ryan Gosling’s abs.

10. If anyone makes you feel self-conscious for posting selfies, keep taking more selfies because you won’t look this good in your 60’s. (Unless you’re Christie Brinkley… in which case, maybe slow down on the selfie game).

11. Leave any relationship, friendship, job, or situation that’s no longer serving you. The time fillers, the coffee dates that leave you feeling drained and uninspired. Drop it, boo. Time is precious. Just ask any mom.

12. Quit chasing after the people who have left you, cut you off or abandoned you. Start cherishing the ones who have stayed through it all. The only people you owe your loyalty to are the ones who have never made you questions theirs. You never have to chase what wants to stay. You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.

13. Make amends. Friends, family, yourself. Let it go. Maybe not for their peace, but for yours. The more we declutter the weight of the past, the more room we create for the good stuff. And it’s all about the good stuff, right?

14. Focus more on being ‘happy’ rather than being ‘right’. Put that pride aside, hold on to your own truths, and let that be enough. I promise you’ll sleep better.

15. Learn to rest, not to quit. It’s okay to not be okay. Just don’t stay there. Nothing is permanent. Keep going.

16. Stop handing out 3rd and 4th chances. Don’t waste your time on those who have showed you their true colors. Believe them when they show you, and move on. It’s not selfish, it’s self respect.

17. Chalk up all your struggles, disappointments, failures, and short comings as stepping stones to who you’re becoming. These set backs are not because you’re doing something wrong, it means you’re doing something right. It makes your sweet days of success that much sweeter knowing you fought to get where you’re at, and you didn’t give up.

18. Stop complaining. Count your blessings. The more goodness you acknowledge in your life, the more goodness the universe will throw your way. Remind yourself that someone out there would kill for what you have.

19. Drop the baggage. The grudges, the guilt, the mistakes. Remember what it taught you, but also remember the airline ‘excess baggage’ fee is not cheap. You’d be surprised at how liberating it can be to travel with just a carry on. 😉

20. Go after what you really want. Don’t wait for the right time. There isn’t one. There are 7 days in a week and ‘someday’ isn’t one of them. The Universe is never going to put it’s hand on your shoulder and say, “Today is a good day to start.”

21. Be uninhibited with your life, but especially with your emotions. Start your search for whatever you’ve been looking for and do not settle until you know you’ve found it.

22. Fall back in love with your life by falling in love with yourself first. Be kind to yourself. Forgive your own mistakes, try to love all your wounds, stop blaming yourself for the things that didn’t work out, and learn to accept all your flaws. The love that you give to yourself is worth more than any love you could ever receive from other people.

23. Lastly, know when to unplug. Know when to put the phone down, stop reading nonsense advice from some hippie stranger on the internet, pour yourself a damn strong drink, and continue on being the badass you truly are.

“Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong. Even while you wait for certain things to fall into place, may you never forget you are still free to thrive in this space; making the most of little things, making room for brand new things, fully living with all you have, even in your in betweens.”

-Morgan Harper Nichols

There you have it, folks.

Top Favorite Editing Apps for Instagram 2018

There it goes again.

Blogger envy.

It happens to all of us. You’re reading a post on someone’s blog – the content is good, but the images are what first grabbed your attention. You love the blogger’s sense of design and you can’t figure out why your images don’t look anything like that. And you’re not alone – content with relevant images gets 94% more views than content without images.

But, which editing tool is right for you?

So, here’s a little round up of my favorite photo editing apps. Whether it’s your IG feed, stories, collages, or any special design you can think of!

Photo editing:

I get a TON of messages about what I use to edit photos. Well, first of all I can’t really pinpoint one single app. I really enjoy editing photos (I know – it doesn’t sound thrilling, but hand me a glass of Pinot, my headphones, and an SD card full of unedited photos, and I’m one very happy girl!) I love making them my own so sometimes I even mess around with a few different apps to achieve that perfect look!

Good news is that I do it all from my phone so it’s super easy and anyone who’s staring down at their screen right now can do it!

Lightroom

I always start with Lightroom. I personally think it’s the best for the basics – exposure, brightness, vibrance, sharpening, etc. But it’s also great for the little details, luminance, lens corrections, and retouching. So much goodness you’ll have to check it out for yourself. I recommend tinkering with the app as much as you can to find what you like and create your own unique look.

Also, it allows you 1TB of cloud storage so you can access your photos from anywhere and you can save your editing presets and batch edit. It’s a simple way to apply the same settings from one photo to all the images from a session that are taken in the same location with similar lighting. Once you batch edit, you can still go into each image and make any final adjustments. It saves a ton of time and also keeps your photos and feed consistent!

A Color Story

A Color Story is one of my favorite apps for filters with over 100 fresh and colorful filters. Usually, I’ll edit on Lightroom and if it still needs a little something, I’ll add a filter and usually adjust it just slightly so it adds the perfect bright & airy look I’m trying to achieve. I use this app more for enhancing the bright whites, rich color, and REALLY making your image pop!

PicTapGo

PicTapGo is by far the easiest and quickest photo editing app to use. It features over 70 different photo effects that you can apply and adjust individually. You can also mix and match to create your own filter ‘recipes’. The app also takes note of what you use most often. You can save your favorite combos or it will automatically bump your fave filters up to the top, making them easier to access.

The editing options are somewhat limited beyond filters. So, if you’re not looking for an extremely comprehensive photo app, PicTapGo is very easy to use and creates beautiful, unique images.

So, now that we’ve covered editing your content…

I also get a lot of messages about my Instagram stories. Whether it’s graphics & design, collages, adding text to those perfect ‘pintresty’ looking photos.

Design, Text, & Layout

Word Swag

Hands down, WORDSWAG is totally my JAM. (An example above just creating a simple ‘before & after’.) It’s like a graphic designer in your pocket. You can create beautifully custom text layouts that would normally take minutes – or even hours – with just a tap.

Use Word Swag to:

1. Make your own stylish quotes

2. Make unique graphics for Instagram stories, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

3. Make graphics for your blog

4. Create announcements & flyers

5. Caption your photos

For instance, I use this app the most for creating stories & graphics for my Rodan + Fields business and it never fails that I get a ton of DM’s asking me how I made them or if they can use them themselves. (Of course they can – but I personally love making them my own!) Plus, what might look like you spent hours on was simply done in a couple of minutes!

Mixgram

Mixgram is my favorite go to for collages – so many layout options and you can easily format them to fit any platform whether it’s Instagram square, IG stories, Facebook header… you name it. For some of my content, I’ll even create a collage or layout on Mixgram and then upload it to WordSwag to add text or captions. It’s perfect for creating content that really grabs people’s attention! Also, look up ‘WordSwag backgrounds’ on Pinterest and you’ll find a ton there as well as the free ones that are already available through the app. Here’s a couple of examples from my IG stories. So simple and a great way to display your content!

So, there you have it…

I hope this answered some of your questions. Have fun, get creative, and enjoy the process!

XO jaclyn